As I Sip My Scotch: A Reflective Essay

At the conclusion of my history senior seminar course (a capstone class where your write a 20-30 page research paper on a topic of your choice) I was required to write a reflective essay on the experience with pro's and con's, things I liked, and some things I did not. I went outside of the rubric to reflect on my experience and wrote this. While it merited only a "C" from the professor, I didn't think it was too bad and some friends suggested that it was some of my better writing. So, blogoshpere/facebook readers, enjoy some babbling from your friend Rob. Keep in mind, this was written in the exhaustion of the end of the semester and before continued reflection. There is surely more I intend to say and many things I do not fully agree with. However, this is a portion of what I turned in.

As I Sip My Scotch: A Reflective Essay

In Gulliver’s Travels, satirist Jonathan Swift imagines a floating island called Laputa, which is inhabited by brilliant thinkers who fail to ever contribute their knowledge to anything practical. This semester I have often felt like a Laputian. This semester I did more intellectual work than ever before in my life. For all of my reading, writing, synthesizing, and pondering, I have nothing to contribute to the world. I can say an awful lot about a mid twentieth century German theologian, pre-renaissance evangelism in the Americas, contemporary theologians, Franciscan spirituality, Methodism in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, and the nation of Cuba. I can’t, however, design, build, grow, or develop anything that will aid my fellow man, the floundering economy, or my empty bank account. Scarcely anything I know is of use for practical measures.

Nonetheless, I pushed myself to the point of illness. With failing sanity, I pulled more all-nighters, skipped more meals, and mistreated more relationships than ever before, and all for the purposes of words. The amount of time and effort I put into this semester for the products that came out is absurd. There is little to rationalize it with. On December 2, a week from the end, with the tunnel’s light in sight, my computer was stolen. Two and a half months of academic energy – gone. Great writing and terrible writing, hours of research, all of my goods received and for sale at the academic market were gone in an instant. I was suddenly the Laputian without a floating island.

Completely aware of the vanity of my efforts, I am still enamored by the topics of my research this semester. Dietrich Bonhoeffer would be a difficult figure to match in intrigue and mystery. The methods and motives behind the evangelization of the New World, particularly my home state of Florida: a topic, which incorporates medieval mystics and prophesies, Indians, and pirates; what could be more compelling than that? Yet it all amounts to nothing at the end of the day. Florida Governor Rick Scott recently cut funding to the liberal arts in order to bolster math, science, engineering, and technology. I cannot blame him one bit. In a society full of service industries and academics people will starve. And so I find myself to be in a paradox. I am totally fascinated with the study of history, religion, and culture, but I know that the world does not need another educator. Rather, it needs another inventor, discoverer, or scientist. We need thinkers that do, not potential doers that merely think.

Earlier this semester I switched my topic from medieval religious architecture to the protestant resisters in Nazi Germany, and finally to just Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Those shifts might have been mistakes. I continue to have interests in each of those areas. I could read for days about any of them. I have come to realize that institutionalized academia has its limitations. Despite its many benefits, forcing research, synthesis, and composition into thirteen weeks is too little time for this sort of seminar when taken with a full course load. I wish I had been more focused with my research. I wish my laptop was not stolen. I would do many things differently if I could do it over again. But at the end of the day, I must accept the fact that I love learning, but ultimately find it unsatisfying. It feels selfish and perhaps even futile.

Knowledge is good. All knowledge ultimately displays to us something about the Creator. This alone is my justification for anything I accomplished this semester. It informs me about humans, about creation, about how creation has existed in history, and ultimately this relays some sort of important Truth about God. I wish I knew what those truths were now. I do not. So, as I sip my scotch, I can only hold onto the many things I have learned and pray that they become useful for the sake of the Kingdom, that I become useful for the sake of the Kingdom.

Perhaps this all sounds ridiculous. Some friends of mine just got back from four months of mission work in the slums of the Philippines. What difference does Bonhoeffer make there, where fifteen year olds are addicted to crack and sleep with mosquito nets? What difference does Columbus’s apocalyptic motivation to the starving baby there? I am challenged to do something positive. I wonder how studying history can move from an ethereal vain joy to a gift I can use in some practical manner to contribute something positive to this world we live in. I do not want to think of Flagler as Laputa. I know it is not. But in all the academia, in all of our curious “why’s?” do we remember to ask ourselves the why? Why do we study this? What does this contribute?

The edition I turned in continued here citing proverbs 3:4-5 and the end of Ecclesiastes. That edition, however, is locked inside a computer at @ProctorLibrary ...

Some Thoughts on the Affects of the Gospel

These are some thoughts on how I think we should treat and respond to the Gospel:

If the Gospel were a beverage, like Dr. Pepper 'Ten' shall we say, it would affect us.

First we would observe it, look at it, open it, perhaps smell it, and then taste and ingest it. Whether we like it or not, that drink is going to affect us and we will respond to it in some way or another. You might drink it just think of it as some type of hydrating nourishment with a sweet flavor that gave us a little bit of energy. You might think it tasted aweful and gave you a stomach ache. You might even dislike it so much as to dissuade your friends or even strangers from drinking it because it is so aweful. Or you might think that it is the best think you have ever had to drink and tell everyone about it. You might call your friends and family, tell your classmates and even strangers how good it is. You could be such a proponent of Dr. Pepper 'Ten' that you buy a bunch just to give it away so that others can know just how delectable this beverage is and enjoy it as you have. You would not be ashamed of how much you like Dr. Pepper Ten; you wouldn't feel like you are stepping on anyone's toes by exposing the avid Pepsi Max fan to its goodness, nor would you feel awkward about sharing it with your friends who are opposed to soda. Another possibility is that you might buy up as much Dr. Pepper 'Ten' as you can and hoard it all for yourself because of how much you like it, wanting to keep it a secret just for yourself to enjoy. More than likely it will not be the last one unless there is a great shortage of Dr. Pepper 'Ten' in the world.

Now, this is an apt comparison to Jesus, who claims to have living water.

"Jesus answered her, ‘If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, “Give me a drink”, you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.’" - John 4:10

We get to know the gift of God, his bountiful and glorious Kingdom, and we get to know who asked the the Samaritan woman for a drink, Jesus the Messiah. We get to ask him for this living water.

Later John writes,

"37 On the last day of the festival, the great day, while Jesus was standing there, he cried out, ‘Let anyone who is thirsty come to me,³⁸and let the one who believes in me drink. As the scripture has said, “Out of the believer’s heart shall flow rivers of living water.” ’ ³⁹Now he said this about the Spirit, which believers in him were to receive; for as yet there was no Spirit, because Jesus was not yet glorified." - John 7:37-39

There is an infinite amount of this living water. There is no reason to hoard it. You never could accumulate all of it in a stockpile for a rainy day because it is infinite and eternal.

"I just drank Dr. Pepper 10 and it is incredible! Everyone should try Dr. Pepper 10, it is THAT good!" If Jesus is infinitely better than Dr. Pepper 10 (which he is, trust me), then Jesus should create just as much enthusiasm and desire to share. I will eventually get tired of drinking Dr. Pepper 10 everyday and it will affect me less, but since Jesus saves me everyday, I should never get tired of drinking the Living Water and having it affect me and bring me to proclaiming his goodness everyday. I fail at this constantly, but wish I didn't. The Gospel is radical. It is saving. It is nourishing. It is essential.

The good news of the Kingdom of God, of life, and life abundant, of eternal rest, is not as materialistic as Dr. Pepper Ten. It is hard to explain to someone because I can not hand them a can of it and let them drink it, but it is readily available. And that makes it foolish for us to not drink it every day, experience it, live it, and tell people about its goodness.

I guess this is what it means to be a theologian . . .

1 "For everything there is a season,

and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;

a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;

a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8 a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

- Ecclesiastes 3

As cliché as this passage has become, I think the author of Ecclesiastes, a person who calls himself the Gatherer and the son of David, nailed it when he penned these verses. This ancient poetry says something about the human condition, which even the Byrds were drawn to and could not ruin.

If you were to ask me one word to characterize my life right now, i would say change. Not Obama change that we can believe in, I'm talking about straight up demolition/reconstruction, remodeling, mutation. There was a severe storm, now this forest looks different, there was an earthquake, this ground now is different. My life is changing.

There are two things that you might know about me: I'm a control freak and I don't like change. Especially if I don't get to control the changes.

So you can be sure, right now, i am very uncomfortable. Possibly unstable. I'm in that place where if someone came up to me with a classic -I know you're going through a rough patch, cheer up, there there- face and asked me how I was, I'd be likely to go barking mad.

So what happened?

It all started about a month ago, but I didn't know it yet.

I was getting ready for a study abroad trip to Italy. Everyone kept asking if i was excited. Actually the answer was no. I was anxious to go and ready, but i was not "excited" I had no real expectations, something i had learned just leads to disappointment. I just did not know what to be excited for. Everyone else seemed to be super pumped and excited to go, if they were at a ten, i was a three. Not because i did not want to go, but because i didn't know what i wanted to do.

I've never left the United States before. I'm a recovering ex-patriot. Once the epitome of the American Spirit, I could quote you anything from the Constitution, Declaration, Federalist Papers, Common Sense, I knew dates, names, places, events, i could rationalize anything to keep up with the nationalistic patriotism that i inherited and adopted. Though i own no guns, i was a member of the NRA, I venerated Ronald Reagan, that's how American I have been known to be. A registered democrat just so that i could vote for the weaker candidate in their primaries and try to insure a republican win. I was that guy. Ethno/egocentric Sam Eagle. The person of satire, aware but foolish.

That began to fade out the more I actually read books and learned how to think, oh and that time when the Holy Spirit. (Don't get me wrong, still love America, but there are other countries in the world, countries that America sadly exploits and misses the mark when we "export democracy and freedom" but not justice)

Loosing that ethnocentric arrogance has been a big part of my conversion experience. - ie: Isaiah 55

“Come, everyone who thirsts,

come to the waters;

and he who has no money,

come, buy and Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without price.

2 Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,

and your labor for that which does not satisfy?"

So I am in this framework on my way to Rome. Oh I’m also dating the girl of my dreams. Dating for a year, pursued her for 7 months before that. I was truly smitten, game-set-match. So I’m walking into this trip knowing that I will be away from her for 10 days, which is forever to two young kids holding on by a thread (did not know about the thread at this time)

So I went to Rome.

I saw a ton of things. I saw a ton of people (Rome is like New York City, except super ancient and full of churches [ton is speculation, I neither weighed the things nor the people])

I watched people and I was astounded at the age of culture and the age of this thing we call Christianity. I was impressed and disgusted with the Catholic Church at the same time (the Roman Catholic Church and I have a love-hate relationship right now, but you know what Rob Bell says, Love Wins).

Then we went to Assisi (if you haven’t been, go. Just do it. Its gorgeous. You won’t regret it.) On the last free day there, I climbed a mountain, or at least part of one. And it all began to hit me. I am so small. I am nothing. I’m so insignificant. An ant. I’ve seen nothing, I know nothing, I have nothing to offer. Ecclesiastes came to mind, so did the magnitude of the incarnation and crucifixion. Like really? What? We are nothing but vapor. And we’re not even really pleasing vapor, some friends of mine might call us depraved vapor, others corrupt, I’ll just say I am wretched vapor. And Christ died so I could live? The Holy Spirit was sent to council me? But I’m so insignificant. So weak.

I realized I knew nothing, had seen nothing, the word humbled can be applied here.

(I know blogs shouldn’t be more than about 1500 words, and probably much much shorter, so I’ll wrap it up here soon, for those who are still reading. Its fine, this is therapy more than sharing)

As I realized all of this, I realized my planning, desires, my certainty of so many things and the control I thought I could have over all of that was ridiculous. It was just silly.

So I got back and Caitlin was on the same page as I was. How could we desire each other more than anything else when we have seen nothing else?!

So I am re-realizing just how immature I am. I am pursuing holiness, looking for answers all over again and asking twice as many questions. Trying to love and really respond to the grace, which is costlier than we know.

On top of that two of my greatest friends have left St. Augustine, Mr. David Cotrone, Jr. and Mr. Samuel Jackson Hays IV. Also my mentor for the past 2+ years, Kelly Westropp is gone as of today.

But here is what I’m carrying in my pocket. This is what is keeping me sane and stable(ish):

“I perceived that whatever God does endures forever; nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before him. That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away.” – Ecclesiastes 3:14-15

God’s work in my life isn’t going anywhere. That is the foundation. Not the people, him. The many parts and people that have helped mold me, are just agents. Though they may be gone, their effect is not. That is to be sure of. God is eternal and most certainly sovereign.

(There is a reason the subtitle to this blog is called an incomplete thought. You may have just gotten a taste of that

as far as any strange formatting... heck if i know, i just type words, the computer decides how they look)

Thoughts on the Gospel

"The idea that the Judaisms of Jesus' day opposed or ignored forgiveness, justice, mercy, and the love of God is theological antisemitism and historical nonsense." -Stevan L. Davies

This semester, I'm writing a bunch of papers concerning the historical nature of the homeless Jew who is arguably the most important figure in world history. That is Jesus. I find myself getting frustrated often by things like criteria and plausibility, among other things that rule scholarly thought. Its rather unnerving, but ultimately i know that it is good. In one of my papers i am making the claim that to be a Christian is to be a disciple of Jesus, and to be a disciple of Jesus it is imperative to know who Jesus was in first century Roman Palestine so that we can know who Jesus, the claimed Christ, is today. Its hard though. We live in a world of science and technology, a world full of things that Jesus would have never known and in a world with a completely different culture and worldview.

Our lives (Americans/Westerners) are unable to empathize with the Jesus of history and with his world. Yet whenever we think of Jesus, he is totally relatable, he thinks and acts like us, and loves us and died for us. And the Christian worldview is happy with these images. Jesus and Uncle Sam high-five in front of an American flag, and the Spirit descended on Jesus like a bald eagle, not a dove, after his baptism. This is view is incorrect, unfair, ignorant, and lacks integrity though. If we are going to be Christians, we had better know Christ. and if we are going to know Christ we HAVE to know Jesus.

One of the things that has gotten to me more than anything is how American Christians understand the Gospel. We don't understand Jesus so we do not understand his Gospel and we do not understand God. I don't say we on accident. I include myself in this. I do not understand God, the Gospel, Jesus,

But here is what I do know, this understanding of the Gospel of Christ is too small.



This is what most American Christians understand the Gospel to be, more or less.

But when Mark writes of Jesus' first sermon, he writes this:

Now after John was arrested, Jesus came into Galilee, proclaiming the gospel of God, and saying, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel."

The Gospel is about the Kingdom of God. It is about his reign. The Gospel is about the Cross, but it is not about our limited, dare I say selfish, understanding of the Gospel.

Let us pursue Jesus and his True Gospel, which is about far more than the forgiveness, justice, mercy, and love of God. But is about his Kingship and Lordship, which is the fulfillment and perfection of his forgiveness, justice, mercy, and love.