recent realizations

*I wrote the majority of this post 2 summers ago, when I was still working at Grace United Methodist Church. I wrote it, saved it, and never posted it, wanting to read and edit my word vomit later after some prayer. I changed little of its content and have decided to go ahead and post it now. Sorry. I am bad at blogging.

So it has been some time since I have posted anything on here, and there has been much that has happened that is worthy of me writing about and eventually I will write about that. (<- run-on, I'm sure of it.) But tonight I want to share something that I have just realized, or at least further understood. The gospel is both very simple and very complex. God is both as simple as LOVE and as complicated as one would figure the being who created all things and is constantly holding the entire universe together while answering millions of individual prayers must be. Simply put, God is very very big.

I have been given many opportunities to represent God to several non-Christians, as well as to many Christians, and it has been an awesome time. And what I am realizing, from events like preaching to my congregation last Sunday (2 summers ago), sitting down with another person and explaining the reason for Jesus, and answering an assault of questions about my religious beliefs from co-workers and friends, is that God has this uncanny ability to weave my story together with his.

I am not a fatalist, but I do believe that God is using all of the experiences of my life so that I may know who he is more and more and so that I can show my neighbors who he is more and more. Not that everything happens for a reason, but God is so big and awesome, that he uses everything for his reason. Life is way more complex than just destiny, it is a story being written, to which the beginning and end are already known, but we get to write the in-between parts together with God! It is so cool!

Here is what I am realizing as I live my life. I am to be a constant ambassador and missionary:

Peter writes, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." (1 Peter 3:15)

So we are to ALWAYS be both willing and able to be a witness to others about the majesty and grace of God working in us and explain why that gives us hope. This requires us to have hope. The repercussions of this are simple but hard. We must constantly be aware of the Gospel. We must live it. We must live in a different reality than the temporal one our senses are exposed to. We must also constantly be affected by this Good News. This is equally challenging, if not more so. In our unglorified state, we are greatly affected by our emotions and tempers, by our hormones and flesh, by those around us (both within and outside of the family of God); we are affected by the fall even with the cleansing of baptism. Our concupiscence is something to be taken seriously and seriously dealt with in prayer and community. That being said, we desperately need the Holy Spirit. We require his guidance and leadership. It is only by his prompting we can advance the Kingdom, so we must invite his leadership and counsel and humbly obey it.

Jesus presents the gospel in this way, "The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel." (Mark 1:14)

The Kingdom is far more than an idea; it is a reality that is here. We need only repent and believe. And live.

Great Intentions and The Holy Land Experience

I think a lot of times, we as Christians, can get caught up in this idea of potential. What is our capacity for the Lord potentially? Where and how could he be using me differently? What other possibilities are out there for me? I know for me, I think about these things a lot, especially as I approach the graduation in a year and a half. "What am I going to do when I grow up," and the bigger question, "what am I going to do for God when I grow up?" are questions that regularly come up in my life. But what I think I am realizing more and more, is that these aren't bad questions to think about, but they are the wrong questions to consume us. The better question, I think, is, "What am I doing for God right now and does it please him?" Am I, at this present moment, reaching my potential for God? Am I praising him with enough of my life? I don't know that this is even an entirely fair question, because the answer for just about everyone, if not everyone, is that there is always something we could change to honor God more. I believe that we need to be looking at the here and now, and asking God, "Like this? Is this how you want me to do it? To live?

I desire a better sense of awareness. I want to know God better and myself better. If I don't know the character and will of God or myself, then how can I know if I am even coming close to my potential, which is better phrased, how can I even come close to praising God with my life?

I went to TBN's The Holy Land Experience in Orlando yesterday on a field trip with this class I'm taking called Sacred Space. The question we were to be asking while there was, "Is this space sacred?"

There is no doubt that many of the other people there certainly thought they were in Israel or in church and were moved by the space and found it to be sacred.

I, on the other hand, arrived to see a big plastic Noah's ark full of big plastic zoo animals, a giant nativity scene with a blonde haired, blue eyed, animatronic plastic baby Jesus, and then a person in a lamb costume giving out hugs and handshakes as people entered the park. It was literally a life-sized Lambchops. Then I became a cynic, which I do regret, but I knew that this place, The Holy Land Experience, was not where I wanted to be and could not be counted as sacred. But being with my class and needing to write a paper, I had to carry on.

The park workers were mostly white people in middle eastern or roman clothing, who were ready to convert anyone with their cross diagrams and pamphlets. And the mullet having, Jesus T-Shirt wearing, park attendees ate it up.

The part that sent me over the most was the passion play. They acted out the crucifixion and resurrection of the beautiful blonde Jesus actor (the very same one from Bill Maher's "Religulous" documentary) in 30 minutes. This included an altar call from a Roman soldier, and a song and dance number at the end. While sunscreen ran into my eyes producing tears, the people around me, wept and prayed the "salvation prayer." It was a very surreal experience.


Now I realize this may sound very judgmental, but this whole experience brought up a lot of stuff in my own life. The people working in the park saw this as their opportunity to witness about their faith. They were excited that so many people came to their place of work to hear the "good word" and share in their joy. Great intentions.

But does their work please God? It is certainly God honoring, but does is God honored by it?
It is something to keep in mind when we think about our own Christian lives outside of the park, is God honored by our actions? Are we living the Gospel and not just living in good intentions?

To do this, it is my belief that we need to know God, know ourselves, and know others better.

Shame

I have always taken issue with the idea of shame. I read the story of the garden, where Adam and Eve were naked and felt no shame. I used to hold this as the ideal, thinking that since i was made to be naked, i was born naked, i should feel no shame for my nakedness. I should have no problem with my natural state, nor anyone else's. This is not to say that i was a nudist by any means.
But I thought that it would just be great if people didn't have shame, if they could remove their fig leaves and just be as God made them. Not only with a mind towards their bodily shame, but also to their lives, just own up to what they are, who they are, and be that.
But here is the the thing that I have come to realize: we aren't in the garden anymore. There is a reason we have shame and are aware of our nakedness. There is a reason we know when we are vulnerable and naked. Because we live in a reality of fallenness. We live in a world where sin exists and the devil lurks ready to attack us. Its not a pleasant thought, but its the truth.
So we make clothes out of fig leaves and own our shame and protect ourselves from a sin-filled world. Here is where the interesting juxtaposition happens. We need our fig leaves to protect us from a life outside of the garden, yet we also need to be vulnerable to God, ready to live in the reality of a sin filled world, but also on the Kingdom that has already come, but has not come yet fully.
I'm sure the armor of God applies here; we NEED seething to clothe ourselves, to protect ourselves from this vulnerability that comes from our shame. But don't you see?! As I explain poorly, it is our shame that allows for us to receive grace, it is out shame that makes us susceptible to salvation! How great a gift is our shame?
When we own our shame, we are in a position ready to receive our lord as it is there we have an honest identity and it is there that we are able to die so that we might receive life!

I need to work on organizing my thoughts.

Cockroaches for Jesus

Today I experienced the truth of the grace once again. It doesn't matter how obedient, how focused I am on God, I am still a sinner. I am still in need of grace. I am still unable to save myself. That is the truth about grace.

I learned a lot of things last night. For starters, I was taught that being willing and obedient doesn't make me any less of a sinner. I still miss the mark and I would still be as lost and broken without God's infinite and rich grace. In fact, when I cease to live in constant dependence on the saving blood of Christ, I am doomed to act out of my humanness, which on its own is supremely mucked up.

I was thinking about the gross ugly things of this world while I sat on the bay front last night. There was a cockroach crawling around, and I thought, "Man, why would God ever make something so ugly, without any purpose, without any real significance to me (I'm still really selfish). Why would God make a creature that can survive pretty much anything, but really only spreads diseases and annoys mankind?"

Then I thought, "Why does God make anything bad or seemingly useless? Why is there any ugliness in the world? Why are there really really bad people?" and, "Why does God allow me, a creature trying to do good for him still mess up, still sin, still act with ugliness, selfishness, and thoughtlessness?"

The only conclusion I could come to was this. And this may be more of a theory than a truth, I'm not sure, but it makes a lot of sense to me.

God, who we understand to be infinitely powerful and infinitely good allows all of this sin because he is so powerful and so good that he can use all of the terrible things of this world to proclaim his name more and to demonstrate just how holy, how awesome, how incredible he actually is.

What shows more power: making things good and keeping it that way, or making things good, allowing them to get shitty, and then using the rubbish of our lives to proclaim his goodness even more than the initial creation? I'd vote the second.

The more powerful, more glorious thing, is to take the ugly and make it beautiful. Take the sinner and justify him.

As I kept watching the roach, I realized just how much energy God had to put into it; its got a crazy hard shell, intense abdomen, antennae... , etc., on top of that, each roach has different DNA! God spent time creating that cockroach. God spent time creating Adolf Hitler. God spent time creating me. I don't know what goodness or beauty will be brought out by me or my life, how big or small it will be, but I do know that one way or another, it will proclaim the glorious richness of the amazing saving grace that can only come from the all good, all powerful God of all things.

Why Do I Do That?

There are these times in my walk when I completely accidentally forget about God. I don't know how it happens, but I know that it does. I was talking with a friend about it tonight. We go through these times where we live our lives as if we are untouched by the blood of Jesus, where we look exactly like the world. In these moments, its as if we have left our best friend waiting at the airport while we are busy with much less important things and when we remember what we are supposed to be doing it is a shock. How the heck are we so careless with someone we care so much about? Like seriously, these moments happen far too often for me to be comfortable, ever.

There is a God who is so different, so much better than anything here. He is Holy. Set apart, worthy and deserving of all things. Then he, knowing I'm gross and will leave him at the airport, comes here to live with me, to die for me, but I still yet I spit in his face and walk away, leaving him at the airport. If I was Jesus, I'd get big boots and kick Rob Sims in the teeth every time I got left at the airport. It is a very good thing I'm not Jesus.

I want God on my mind all the time. I want to be a good servant, and a faithful messenger of the Gospel, at all times.

"'The time is fulfilled, and the Kingdom of God has come near; repent and believe in the good news.'" - Mark 1:14

What if that was my mindset all the time?

I'm not really sure that my opinion or thoughts really matter. But I get thoughts and whatnot that I feel like sharing. So, friends, read this if you like. Everyone needs somebody to disagree with, so maybe I can be that for you. Or maybe you like what I have to say. And just MAYBE I am thought provoking enough or put forth enough sound reason that it in some way causes you to change for the better. That is the great hope of blogging in general I guess. So, I will be doing this "blog thing" periodically and I hope you like it. If not, feel free not to read it or begin the conversation. #ChallengeRiposte

A Different Prosperity Gospel

After a long while of undisciplined quiet times and personal Bible study times that have been wanting, I have decided to become more regimented in my spiritual journey. Not out of a sense of legalism, but purely out of a desire to know God better.

I have decided to begin by reading through Isaiah. I know that this Old Testament book was written to a broken, desolate, and hurting Israel during the struggle with the Assyrians and during the exile, however, as I was reading chapter one, I could not help but feel as though this old prophetic literature was written to the modern church, particularly that thing, which we call the church in America.

"Ah, sinful nation,

people laden with iniquity,

Offspring of evildoers,

children who deal corruptly!

They have forsaken the LORD,

they have despised the Holy One of Israel,

they are utterly estranged" (Isaiah 1:4 ESV).

It sounds a lot like the church in America, as I have come to know it at least. More honestly, it sounds a lot like me. I/We are often sinful, corrupt, evildoers, who ignore God all the time and therefore often lack a relationship with the Creator of all, that is essential to be an active member in the Body of Christ, the Church (big "C") here on Earth. I'd say more often than not, I am that.

I also try to satisfy God's calling on my life with a scale. I say to God, "I'll to this and this for you, but please help me out with my selfish stuff later." I often act "for God" with a total expectation of a return, as if God and I are bartering. I don't feel like I am alone in this though, I think this mindset is the same as a lot of American Christians. Another thing I do a lot is feel guilty when I don't do the "Christian thing." Somehow I feel there are certain obligations or necessities that I must do when they are presented to me. I must go talk to this homeless person, I must give you a ride, I must not make inappropriate jokes, I must go to church... I could continue forever. Certainly, these are good things to do and there is nothing wrong with doing them, but when they are done out of a feeling of obligation and not sincere desire, it is vanity or empty. I do not do these things to please the living God, but so that the living God will please me.

Isaiah, speaking the word of God, then goes on to write,

"What to me is the multitude of your sacrifices?

says the LORD;

I have had enough of burnt offerings of rams

and the fat of well-fed beasts;

I do not delight in the blood of bulls,

or of lambs, or of goats.

When you come to appear before me,
who has required of you
this trampling of my courts?
Bring no more vain offerings;
incense is an abomination to me.
New moon and Sabbath and the calling of convocations—
I cannot endure iniquity and solemn assembly" (Isaiah 1:11-13 ESV).

God does not care about the ritual, legalistic, junk we do for him. He just wants us! We try to give him these "sacrifices," we bargain with him, we haggle, we try to make a deal. But that is not what is pleasing to him. As Christians in America we fail to listen to God and hear what he wants. Eugene Peterson's, The Message, writes verse 13 like this, "Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games .... I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning." I/We need to stop religion based on consumerism and necessity. It is only a vanity and displeasing to God. If it doesn't honor God or bring me closer to him, why do I/we do it? What God does desire he states very plainly,

"remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes;

Cease to do evil" (Isaiah 1:16b ESV).

Cease to do evil is the command. Its not more religion that we need. It is a call that Jesus echoes in all of the Gospels, "Go and sin no more." It seems so simple, all of this, but its not. We are not good, nor are we good enough. We are sinners. There is a promise though. God says, (paraphrasing) although we are stained red, even though we are scarlet and crimson, we can become like wool; we can become white as snow (1:18). We do not have to be stained, broken, and bloody. We do not need to try to bargain with God, we do not need to feel the necessity of religion or act like consumers of religion.

"If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land" (Isaiah 1:19 ESV).

For Israel the land was the most important thing. The people were always moving toward or away from the promised land, the land promised to Abraham, flowing with milk and honey, representing everything good, bountiful, and satisfying. It was what the slaves left Egypt for, it was what the kings tried to keep, and what the exiles wanted to get back to. The land was everything.

For the Church the land is much more than physical dirt. It is the promise of an eternity in the kingdom of heaven. It is the very hope of our salvation. It is where we all want to go when we die from this earth. Heaven is the paradise that the world desires. It is the great feast. It is the most valuable, sought after thing the world has known. Heaven is the great ambition of the world. I know it is what I want. I'm certainly tired of the brokenness, disappointment, and slavery of this earthly place. And we can escape it.

But only, "If you are willing and obedient." Willingness is simply making yourself available and ready to answer God. Obedience is actually answering God. To me, this doesn't just insinuate, but it screams submission. Acknowledge God as the superior one who is actually in charge and give him total control. This sounds like it requires TRUST in God. That idea that is stamped on all of our money and a lot of our buildings. Today I think that is more tradition than how we actually feel. I/We don't trust God. I/We don't always think he can help. For me, its often with the little things. I trust God with the big things, but I want to have some control. But when I keep that control for myself, when I hold on to those little things, I'm not being very willing or obedient to God. And when I try to hold on and control my own life, thats when I also fail at ceasing to do evil.

If the Church in America, if I, if we, would stop all of the nonsense, all of the meaningless ritual, and actually submit ourselves, perhaps we wouldn't have so many worries. Not that obeying will make our problems go away, but they would cease to be problems. My prayer is this, that I/We could learn how to better obey God, and not myself/ourselves. To trust him, and submit to him, out of faith and in all things, big and small is my greatest desire, both for myself and the Church.